The boy's birth story

He was so happy about this. 

I'm not very good at writing stories (at all), but I promised and you all asked for it, so here it goes...

I woke up eeearly Christmas morning at my in-law's (an hour and a half away from the hospital) with a weird feeling. I couldn't figure out what it was exactly..

I just felt off. 

As I was laying there trying my hardest to get back to sleep, I felt a tiny gush of fluid...down there. ha. 

My heart stopped. What was going on? Had my water broken?? It was Christmas. I couldn't be.
I really didn't want to go into labor yet.

Anthony wasn't due for another three weeks!

I jumped up and ran to the bathroom hoping that it would just be the usual pregnancy awesomeness going on. There was definitely something different happening, but I didn't have any cramping and there hadn't been a big gush.

I knew it could be nothing at all. 

I mean, it's normal to have an excess of fluids and all that down there...especially near the end of pregnancy. I shook it off and climbed back in to bed.

5 minutes later...another small gush. Hmm.

A few minutes after that...a little mas. Errrr.

A little mas, mas, mas. Ahhhhhhh.

At this point my heart started pounding, my mind began to race and even though I was trying to pretend it was nothing...I knew it.

I was slowly, but surely going into labor... 

on Christmas day.
Cray.

After feeling a big rush of excitement and adrenaline...

I started feeling really reeeally sad. 

I had hoped  and prayed for a quiet Christmas with our Maddie...one more with just her.

I was also unprepared! I hadn't packed my hospital bag, gotten the little nursery corner in our room set-up and didn't even have diapers. We had planned to do all of that after Christmas (of course- ha).

So. I had a mini cry session in the bathroom.

I told God that I didn't want to go into labor that day. Didn't He remember what I had prayed for?? 

I wasn't ready. I didn't want to leave Maddie. I wanted to spend Christmas with my fam!

Gosh. Waahhhhhh. lol.

It took a lot for me to not break down and cry as we were saying bye to Mads.

We were leaving her on Christmas and it was the last time I would see her before she became a big sister.
It was hard :(.

Matt and I were really quiet on the way to the hospital.

I don't think we knew how to digest what was happening.

We just sat there. Kind of in shock. Kind of not believing it was actually happening.
There was still a chance that I was wrong and that it was nothing, is what we kept saying.
Yeh right.

Once we got to the hospital around 12 pm they tested the fluids to see if my water had actually broken.

At 2-sh they came back with the results...my water did in fact break. We were going to have our baby boy.

They started me on Pitocin at around 4...thinking I wouldn't deliver until at least late that night...or even the next day. Ooooh, how wrong was that. 

Contractions began to come fast and hard about an hour later. I was shocked how quickly it all was going.

30 minutes later and I was in a lot of pain. A lot. of. pain.

The nurse checked me and I had gone from 2 cm to 7 cm dilated in about two hours!). Whaaa?
I actually almost missed the window of opportunity for the epi, but thank God I did not. pheww.  

Pain. Pain. So much pain.
I have no idea how mamas do it naturally. I applaud you, because I was ready to die.

Well, the epidural man (that's what I'm calling him) finally came to save me. I could have kissed him. 

He was prepping it all right in the middle of me having a massive contraction, so...it was interesting trying to keep me super still. I was moaning and squeezing the heck out of Matt's hand...
and then the epidural kicked in. Amazing stuff. Mmmm. So good. Lol.

It was all a big blur after that!
Everything happened so quickly.
I felt tons of pressure with every contraction and I had to keep myself from pushing until the doc got there...
which is totally different from my labor with Mads. I didn't feel the need to push with her until she was almost out.
Once the doctor showed up I was allowed to start pushing. It was probably around 7:15.
I literally pushed for 4 sets (so...that's about 8 pushes)...and then he was out! I couldn't believe how easy it was (I pushed for at least 3 hours with Mads- exhausting).
Our sweet Anthony John was here. :) They laid him on me and I couldn't get over the fact that he was actually here...that I was a mama of two...that I had a son. I felt a high like I have never felt before.
I couldn't stop smiling. It was amazing.
The fact that he came on Christmas day just didn't matter anymore.
He was here. :)

On that note...
I don't know if you all saw my post about experiencing postpartum depression after having Mads.
You can watch my little vlog here. 
Right after Mads was delivered I experienced a big high and then suddenly...that high plunged down into a deep low. I felt sad, exhausted, helpless and really anxious. All at once.
I had trouble with nursing and didn't feel that bond I so wanted with her. It broke my heart.
It wasn't until Mads was at least 3 months old that I really started to feel happy and completely bonded with her. I actually feel awful that I felt that way, because I felt so amazing and happy this time around with Anthony. Hormones are a crazy thing though and I know that I couldn't really control it.
Needless to say, I am sooo thankful that it has been different this time.

Having two kiddies is definitely a challenge, but I will say this...
it is so much easier the second time around in so many ways.
I'm used to the crying (I don't jump at every noise from him), the night feedings, the neediness of a baby, etc.
I find that I am able to be more present in the moment as well.
I am taking the time to soak up Anthony's littleness and to look back into his sweet little eyes when he's quietly observing his mama. It brings tears to my eyes.
He's already getting chubby, going old man bald and doesn't fit into any of his newborn clothes.
It's killing me. How I'm going to handle it when he has a girlfriend...I do not know ;).

He is a month old already.
One month going on a year!
I can't get over it.
I can't believe how fast the pregnancy went, how wonderful his birth was and that he was born on Christmas day. I just hope that I can appreciate each little thing, because one day I'll realize that those little things were actually big things.
Sigh.

Being a mama is crazy.
Crazy good.
:)

FYI: The blanket in the photos is a SwaddleDesigns Marquisette Swaddle Blanket. It was great for swaddling Anthony the first week or so- after that he didn't like being swaddled anymore, so we now just use it as a normal blanket. If you love the Aden + Anais swaddlers, you'll love this blanket. It's soft, breathable, light weight and big enough to really grow with your babe...and the price is awesome.