I feel a tad bit silly posting this, because...thereareabajillionblogs...

and who cares that this particular one is shutting down, Cams.

Still. I'm blogging about it anyways. 

I feel like this little space has been such a big part of me since I started it about three years ago.
I want to give it a proper goodbye.

This is my closure.

It has been on my mind and heart for a while now that maaaybe blogging isn't really for me anymore.

It has been a love/hate (more so on the hate, I have to say) relationship since before Anthony was born, as fun as it has been in the past...and as much as it has taught me over the years. I'll never ever regret spending the time that I did on it.

That said, I know that I shouldn't be spending any more time and energy here.

It almost feels as if my time and energy are being misplaced.

I really think that I could be doing something so much bigger (for me anyways), something that makes me feel more productive and genuinely happy. The blog does make me feel "happy", but it's almost a fake/put-on happiness, if that makes sense. I plod along with it, because it makes me feel like I'm "not just a mom", which is totally bs. 

Being a mom is enough. It totally is.

I've been re-reading these on the regular recently, to remind me that it's okay to let this go...
*cue Frozen soundtrack*

via.

via.

as well as these...

via.

via.

They speak to me, because I tend to feel like I have to be doing something terribly constructive at all times.

I don't. Rather, being a mom is the most constructive and important thing I can be doing right now. 

I am starting to realize how important it is for me to live in this moment, the moments right now....the precious days I have with my little babies. Do I really want to look back and remember days that I slaved on blog posts that really didn't necessarily mean anything to me?...or that just left me feeling uninspired, stressed and burnt out? 

No, no I do not.

I do still have this incredible drive and passion to use the talents that seem to burn in me, but right now...I'm not sure how to use them or when to use them. What I do know is that now is not the time.

I am so SO so blessed to not have to work for a living, thanks to my amazing and hard-working husband. He makes it possible for me to stay at home with our kids and take my time exploring many different options until I land on the right type of work for me.

I can do whatever I want. I have that luxury because of the long hours that my husband works.

I do not take that for granted (well, sometimes I do...but I shouldn't!!). I also realize that few mamas are in the same position that I am. I cannot and will not forget that.

What I need to do right now is be very patient and trust that the right opportunity will come my way...if I keep my eyes and ears open...

and I need to be ready to work my bum off when it does.

Right now I'm making motherhood my main focus...

and I am totally okay with that. 

Bye bye, little blog.

You've been good to me.

I will definitely miss you from time to time.
Let's not call this a break up, rather...a conscious uncoupling.
haha. I'll be honest, I've been wanting an excuse to use that line for a bit now...so badly. ;)

A big thank you to all of my faithful followers that have read post after post over the past few years.

You rock my socks off. :) Cheers. 

psst. I may be giving up the blog, but you'll still find me on Instagram and Pinterest. Can't give those up. Haha! I still love spending time on there, sharing and chatting with all of you. I'll definitely still be posting my faves on the regular - outfits, styling ideas, home projects, etc. I'll see you over there! :)

Adios, Ziploc Bags. I've stepped up my Baby Wipes game.

Saying life with two kiddies is messy would be an understatement. 

 There's projectile vomiting, sticky "pee-nuh budda sanwich" residue everywhere, boogers, boogers being so sweetly handed to me, poo...lots of poo, yada yada. I'm sure you mamas feel me.

I feel like I'm constantly cleaning something or someone.

Ya'll may know I'm pretty OCD. Well, it oddly doesn't mix well with motherhood. HA. I'm constantly whipping out the wipes no matter where we are or what we're doing. I'm a maniac clean freak.

My usual way of carrying them around is in a boring Ziploc bag, because...whatever. It's wipes.

People won't be checking them out thinking, gosh...that mama is fly.

Wrong, Cams.
They will now.

Huggies Clutch n' Clean Wipes.

They have changed the baby wipes game, mamas.
Not only can they be attached to most anything, re-filled, slobbered on by babies, thrown around by kiddies...they're cute. 

I now have a package on our stroller, in the minivan, diaper bag and by Mad's potty
(because well...did you catch this post? ::hehhh::). 

Having wipes on hand, within arms reach, may not seem like a big deal, but ummm...it is a big deal to this tidy freak right here. You betta believe it, yo.

It helps to make this mama job just a bit easier (and cleaner-ish).

I'm a fan.
I'm a fan.
I'm a fan fan fan.

my mama outfit: baseball tee - F21 (old old oldddd) | jeans - Gap | converse chucks - eBay

*Cheers, Huggies Clutch n' Clean Wipes for sponsoring this post #HuggiesMomStyle

Well, cr*p.

Let me just go ahead and warn you that this is a post about poop.

Yes, poop. Lots and lots of it.

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, Maddie has reverted back to doing the dirty in her panties. Yes, it's nasty. 

Now, it's not a one accident type thing where I patiently remind her to do her biz in the potty, clean it up, she then goes #2 in the potty like a sweet little child and done deal for the day.

Oh, no no no no no no. 

No.

She has taken to somehow stealing away like a ninja (probably while I'm crying over a basket of Easter candy because of the last 10x I've cleaned up poo that day) to hide and soil her panties...oh, I don't know...every hour or so. You think I'm kidding. I'm not.

The amount of panties we have gone through these past few weeks is unreal.

When she had just started doing this cr*p (no pun intended), I was nicely rinsing them and throwing them in the wash. Laaa dee daaaa. 

Now I'm just tossing most of them.

Should I keep these? Nahhh. 

We have an underwear tree in the backyard!

It's all goooood. 

Oooph.

I have gone through most of the stages of grief associated with potty training regression- denial, anger, bargaining, depression ...and now I am getting dangerously close to accepting the fact that she may never poo in the pod ever again.

This is not good, friends. Not good at all.

I am getting so tired.

So frustrated.

Sooooo lost as to what to do with this problem.

I have tried bribing, I have tried encouragement, I have tried reprimanding...and even timeouts...which I definitely think are a mistake when it comes to potty training, but I seriously have started to lose my mind and don't know what to do anymore.

I feel like all I do all day is clean up poo. Well, because that is all I do all day!

She was fully potty trained and doing so well.

She was so proud of herself. I was so proud of myself (ha)....everything was quite peachy.

Well, not the case any mas. 

I know I'm not the only mama out there that has dealt with this.

Any tips? Anyone? Help.

Well, Mad's is up from her nap...and that probably means there is a mess to clean up.

Did I mention she also finger paints beautiful poopy masterpieces with it all over her bed?

S.O.S.

Sheena, I sympathize with you.

Being Type A & Letting things go

I am a Type A personality.
It's what both drives me and drives me crazy.
Having children throws off my type A groove...and I say that in the most loving way possible. lol.
I don't mean that I'm not happy and thankful to have children, because I am. Love them to death. It just means I have to really take steps to control my anxiety, impatience, high expectations and over-all need to go and do do doooooo.

I feel like I have to get. things. done. Everyday.
Not only that...I have to do them well. Almost perfectly.
It's ridiculous really, ya'll.
Having our first child did help me to slow down...a bit.
I could still pretty much do whatever I wanted or needed to do though. Once you get the hang of it it's relatively easy-ish to tote one babe around.
Now...two?
That's a totally different story.

I have days where I feel like I am trying to swim in quicksand...

and then there are the triumphant, "I CAN do this" days.

I've totally got it down pat and then another day comes and I totally don't have it. At all.

It's really a toss up. ;)

I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this (come on, Cams. Get to the point) is that with two I am really reeeeeally learning the importance of letting things go.
I can't get hung up on the fact that my sink is full of dirty dishes, my floors are filthy, I haven't gotten out of the house in a week and I look like a homeless person.
I have to let it go.
It's simply impossible to tackle it all in one day with two kids!
I have to lower my super high expectations...and it's hard for me.
Really. hard.

However, having to do so is making me a better mother. I can see it.
When I do calm down and let it go...I can breathe, notice more and soak up the small things that I would completely miss if I was running around like a maniac.
It's freeing and I'm much happier!
It's funny and almost doesn't make sense, but I think with each child...I have actually become a more patient person instead of the opposite.
I think that by being forced to get over things I have had to learn to control my anxiety, etc.

I will always be Type A. Ha. That will never change.
However, I hope to be a calmer, more patient version.
My babes deserve it, my husband needs it and most of all...
I will benefit from it.
Honestly, who really enjoys being a crazed maniac that's running around all of the time?
Not me.
I want to enjoy my kids, my husband, my days...life.

Who's with me on this? Are you Type A?

I have soooo many dirty dishes in my kitchen right now.
It's driving me crazyyyy. Haha!

:)

 outfit: sheInside jacket | Old Navy graphic tee | Target jeans | Target belt | DSW Crown Vintage loafer 

The boy's birth story

He was so happy about this. 

I'm not very good at writing stories (at all), but I promised and you all asked for it, so here it goes...

I woke up eeearly Christmas morning at my in-law's (an hour and a half away from the hospital) with a weird feeling. I couldn't figure out what it was exactly..

I just felt off. 

As I was laying there trying my hardest to get back to sleep, I felt a tiny gush of fluid...down there. ha. 

My heart stopped. What was going on? Had my water broken?? It was Christmas. I couldn't be.
I really didn't want to go into labor yet.

Anthony wasn't due for another three weeks!

I jumped up and ran to the bathroom hoping that it would just be the usual pregnancy awesomeness going on. There was definitely something different happening, but I didn't have any cramping and there hadn't been a big gush.

I knew it could be nothing at all. 

I mean, it's normal to have an excess of fluids and all that down there...especially near the end of pregnancy. I shook it off and climbed back in to bed.

5 minutes later...another small gush. Hmm.

A few minutes after that...a little mas. Errrr.

A little mas, mas, mas. Ahhhhhhh.

At this point my heart started pounding, my mind began to race and even though I was trying to pretend it was nothing...I knew it.

I was slowly, but surely going into labor... 

on Christmas day.
Cray.

After feeling a big rush of excitement and adrenaline...

I started feeling really reeeally sad. 

I had hoped  and prayed for a quiet Christmas with our Maddie...one more with just her.

I was also unprepared! I hadn't packed my hospital bag, gotten the little nursery corner in our room set-up and didn't even have diapers. We had planned to do all of that after Christmas (of course- ha).

So. I had a mini cry session in the bathroom.

I told God that I didn't want to go into labor that day. Didn't He remember what I had prayed for?? 

I wasn't ready. I didn't want to leave Maddie. I wanted to spend Christmas with my fam!

Gosh. Waahhhhhh. lol.

It took a lot for me to not break down and cry as we were saying bye to Mads.

We were leaving her on Christmas and it was the last time I would see her before she became a big sister.
It was hard :(.

Matt and I were really quiet on the way to the hospital.

I don't think we knew how to digest what was happening.

We just sat there. Kind of in shock. Kind of not believing it was actually happening.
There was still a chance that I was wrong and that it was nothing, is what we kept saying.
Yeh right.

Once we got to the hospital around 12 pm they tested the fluids to see if my water had actually broken.

At 2-sh they came back with the results...my water did in fact break. We were going to have our baby boy.

They started me on Pitocin at around 4...thinking I wouldn't deliver until at least late that night...or even the next day. Ooooh, how wrong was that. 

Contractions began to come fast and hard about an hour later. I was shocked how quickly it all was going.

30 minutes later and I was in a lot of pain. A lot. of. pain.

The nurse checked me and I had gone from 2 cm to 7 cm dilated in about two hours!). Whaaa?
I actually almost missed the window of opportunity for the epi, but thank God I did not. pheww.  

Pain. Pain. So much pain.
I have no idea how mamas do it naturally. I applaud you, because I was ready to die.

Well, the epidural man (that's what I'm calling him) finally came to save me. I could have kissed him. 

He was prepping it all right in the middle of me having a massive contraction, so...it was interesting trying to keep me super still. I was moaning and squeezing the heck out of Matt's hand...
and then the epidural kicked in. Amazing stuff. Mmmm. So good. Lol.

It was all a big blur after that!
Everything happened so quickly.
I felt tons of pressure with every contraction and I had to keep myself from pushing until the doc got there...
which is totally different from my labor with Mads. I didn't feel the need to push with her until she was almost out.
Once the doctor showed up I was allowed to start pushing. It was probably around 7:15.
I literally pushed for 4 sets (so...that's about 8 pushes)...and then he was out! I couldn't believe how easy it was (I pushed for at least 3 hours with Mads- exhausting).
Our sweet Anthony John was here. :) They laid him on me and I couldn't get over the fact that he was actually here...that I was a mama of two...that I had a son. I felt a high like I have never felt before.
I couldn't stop smiling. It was amazing.
The fact that he came on Christmas day just didn't matter anymore.
He was here. :)

On that note...
I don't know if you all saw my post about experiencing postpartum depression after having Mads.
You can watch my little vlog here. 
Right after Mads was delivered I experienced a big high and then suddenly...that high plunged down into a deep low. I felt sad, exhausted, helpless and really anxious. All at once.
I had trouble with nursing and didn't feel that bond I so wanted with her. It broke my heart.
It wasn't until Mads was at least 3 months old that I really started to feel happy and completely bonded with her. I actually feel awful that I felt that way, because I felt so amazing and happy this time around with Anthony. Hormones are a crazy thing though and I know that I couldn't really control it.
Needless to say, I am sooo thankful that it has been different this time.

Having two kiddies is definitely a challenge, but I will say this...
it is so much easier the second time around in so many ways.
I'm used to the crying (I don't jump at every noise from him), the night feedings, the neediness of a baby, etc.
I find that I am able to be more present in the moment as well.
I am taking the time to soak up Anthony's littleness and to look back into his sweet little eyes when he's quietly observing his mama. It brings tears to my eyes.
He's already getting chubby, going old man bald and doesn't fit into any of his newborn clothes.
It's killing me. How I'm going to handle it when he has a girlfriend...I do not know ;).

He is a month old already.
One month going on a year!
I can't get over it.
I can't believe how fast the pregnancy went, how wonderful his birth was and that he was born on Christmas day. I just hope that I can appreciate each little thing, because one day I'll realize that those little things were actually big things.
Sigh.

Being a mama is crazy.
Crazy good.
:)

FYI: The blanket in the photos is a SwaddleDesigns Marquisette Swaddle Blanket. It was great for swaddling Anthony the first week or so- after that he didn't like being swaddled anymore, so we now just use it as a normal blanket. If you love the Aden + Anais swaddlers, you'll love this blanket. It's soft, breathable, light weight and big enough to really grow with your babe...and the price is awesome.

Christmastime is here! (and so are the sniffles)

This shop is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group™ and Kleenex but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #KleenexTarget  http://cmp.ly/3/8vNxcO

I love a cozy and welcoming home all year 'round, but I make sure to take extra special pains to make it that way during the Christmas season. I'm not big on decorating for any other holiday, but Christmas...ooooh yes, ma'am. It's a must. This year I was excited because Mads is old enough to actually enjoy it all. Soooo...this past Sunday we dedicated the day to all things Christmas- picking out and decorating our tree, baking and listening to Christmas music. It was the perfect way to start the season together (and also tiring for this pregs. I crashed on the couch about halfway through all of the festivities).

There was one little downside to our little decorating weekend- runny noses. All three of us had runny, runny noses. We've been fortunate enough to keep any bad coughs and colds away (so far), but the runny noses just can't be stopped...and that's where Kleenex has come in handy. I'm usually the "oh, we'll just use toilet paper" kind of person, but gosh...I'm glad I picked up a pack of real tissues at Target this past weekend. I just put them around the house, so we could all grab one when needed. It worked much better (and looked much better) than toilet paper rolls. ;)

Having a little one to share the season with is too good. Mads has been excited by everything- picking out the tree, making cookies, dancing to Christmas music...and even just the plugged in strands of lights- ha. It's such a joy to see her so happy. It makes me feel like I am re-living some of my childhood Christmases. It might even be more fun now than it was when I was a kid. :)

You can grab your own coupon here for $1 off a 4 pack or more of Kleenex at Target.

baby bump: week 35

Well, I meant to post a bump pic every few weeks- whoops! Every time I would plan to snap one...I'd realize I didn't have any make-up on, was still in sweats and just felt completely blah. So yehhh. No bump pic for a while. I finally motivated myself enough yesterday to get this one. You're welcome. ;)

As we get closer and closer, I get more and more excited...and scared out of my mind. I've said it and I'll say it again...I am really nervous about having two. Some days I am more confident about it all and then other days...not so much. I know we'll work it out and it'll be awesome, but still...just sharing my real feelings.

...& here's Moo showing off her baby bump... ::haha::

Letting my baby grow up...

I think the hardest challenge I am facing right now, as the arrival of our second child rapidly approaches, is letting our first baby go. I don't feel ready for it...at all. When I think about Mads not being the baby anymore...I cry a little inside (or maybe a lot). On those random nights that Mads lets me rock and cuddle her before I plop her into bed, I get super weepy when I'm reminded that those moments are fleeting. Yeh, I know. We will still cuddle and there will still be those special times when it'll just be her and I...when we can share special little moments. I know. Still. It'll be different!

Different isn't bad, of course. It's just....different. It'll be a big change. Moo will no longer be the primary receiver of our attention and affections. She will have to move on over and share the love...which I am almost 99.9% sure she will greet with a bit of resistance at first (maybe not, but I have a feeling). I am hoping and praying she doesn't have a tough time with it all, because my mama heart will just break into pieces.

I'm definitely over-thinking it all, as I do with most things. grr. Mads will be just fine. There will be some tantrums and bad days, but she'll do great. I'm sure she'll naturally take over that big sis role...and love it. I personally didn't mind bossing around my 5 younger siblings ;). Having been the oldest though, I know how hard it can be...and I think that's why I am feeling a bit of extra sadness for our Mads girl right now. Her small little world where she is THE ONLY ONE...the primary focus...is about to disappear. *sniff* That makes me so sad! Why does it make me so sad?? *sigh*

Everything will be okay. I know that it will.

Life will go on...baby boy will arrive, we'll transition, make changes and all end up being happier because of it. I know that's true.

Right now it's just hard to accept...

I've got to let our baby grow up.

(in a couple of months!!! She's still my baby now. So there. :)

It happened.

I started using an anti-aging skincare product. What? No way.

I know. When Olay so generously offered to send on their Regenerist products to me, I was a bit apprehensive at first. I mean, really. Aren't anti-wrinkle products for old people? Well, the truth of the matter is that your skin starts losing collagen in your 20's (that awesome thing that gives your skin elasticity and keeps it firm). I'm 27 which, of course, means it's all down hill from here. Ha.That said, I decided to let any leftover teen pride I might have been holding onto go and try out Olay's goodies.

(& that's my cosmetic ad shot for ya. soak. it. up.)

Um. They're awesome. I've been using the products for about a week now and I've already started to realize the benefits- they not only smooth my skin and reduce the look of pores and fine lines, but also prime my face for make-up. Apparently priming your face for make-up is very important. This was news to me as of a week ago! It creates a clean canvas and helps your make-up last longer. As you get older, your facial skin just doesn't hold onto it all as well (darn). Ever since forever I've just slapped on some moisturizer, thrown on my make-up and called it a day. Well, no mas.

My *new* skin priming routine:

Simple facial moisturizer

Olay Regenerist Wrinkle Revolution Complex

Olay Regenerist Micro-sculpting Eye Cream & Lash Serum Duo  

...& then my face is ready for that make-up...

I guess you could say I'm growing up...what with my new skincare/make-up routine and all. What next? Real make-up counters at department stores? Whoah now. Slow down. I'm not over my Target cosmetics just yet. ;)

This post was sponsored by Olay through their partnership with POPSUGAR Select. While I was compensated to write a post about Olay Regenerist Micro-Sculpting Eye Cream & Lash Serum Duo and Regenerist Wrinkle Revolution Complex, all opinions are my own.

baby bump: week 29

...ok. let me have an honest moment with all of you...

Most of the time I feel like this ^^ - tired, stretched, crampy, like I need to wear Depends (because of how often I almost pee my pants without warning), blah blah blah. It's easy to look all cutely pregnant in an edited blog pic (which, btw, was one of 50 other outtakes- ha), but the truth of the matter is...I'm pregnant. So yeh. I just wanted to be real with all of ya ;).

Mama Boosters. For my Face.

No, I'm not turning into a beauty blogger (so sorrrryyy). I just want to share a sweet, new product that I think you should know about- Seventh Generation's Skin Boosting Serums...or as I like to call them...my Mama Boosters.

Sooo...I'm super simple when it comes to skincare. I wash and I moisturize. That's all I've ever done. Nada mas. Pregnancy has been pretty good to me too. Gotta love those prenatal vitamins! Still. There's those days. The days I feel the need for a little oomph- when I feel so tired that I could fall over on my unmade bed stacked with unfolded laundry (with Mads jumping around me like a monkey), those days I have a bajillion errands to run but any kind of make-up is simply not going to happen...those days I don't feel that "pregnancy glow" at all. Yehhh.

Those are the days I grab one of the facial boosters. They're my leeeetle friends. A grab n' go mama booster shot...for the face. Fresh, easy and natural. I like. I think you might like them too :). See all of the skin boosting serums here.

...& that's enough beauty talk for me (for now). I may have another wrinkle cream-type post coming soon. Maybe. I don't know. We'll see.

baby bump: week 26

Phewww. Could time be going any faster? Recently I've been living in this long-sleeve tee via Ingrid & Isabel- oober comfy. I do try a bit harder when leaving the house, but otherwise...it's lounge clothes. All the way, people.

4 years ago today...

Four years ago today I married this guy...and we've been goofing off together ever since. :)

Happy Anniversary, Matthew. I've never known such a hard worker in all my life. You're always putting others before yourself, so sweet and patient with our little Mads girl and you consistently blow me away with your strength and unwavering love for me. Although you really don't care to have your picture taken and shared on the blog (or any of my hundred social media thingies. ha), I had to do it today (sorry. I'm not sorry). I'm so proud of the man my husband is. I couldn't have dreamnt up a better match for myself.

I know you'll be making me laugh until we're old and crotchety...after that I'm not sure I'll be able to hear you (considering that I'm already going deaf). ;)

I LOVE YOU thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis-x-a-mil much!

-Wife

Mama Meal Time.

*Sponsored by Wendy's. 

Wendy's Flatbread Sandwiches. Uh yumm. Moo seems to think so anyways...watch our video to see her big launch into stardom. She blows the critics away. 

Make a short video of your own and you could win $6,000! Who couldn't use that kinda chedda? Tell Wendy’s what you think about their flatbreads in a Vine or Instagram video then send it to @Wendys (through twitter, Instagram or Vine) with the #6SecondsFlat tag and #LifeinMod6 (so that I can check-out your awesomeness). Each week of September, one lucky winner will be randomly selected to receive a $6000 prize.

Pop on over here before you begin to get all of the deets.

Have fun!

baby bump: week 21

A little over half way there. Crazy. Just crazy.

This pregnancy is flyyyyying by! I will be in labor with this little guy before I know it.

Aaaaahhhhhh.

Summerbird Consignment | my weekend mommy job

This is my getaway...errr...I mean weekend job. ;) I've shared a bit of it before, but I just can't get enough of this place. So...I'm sharing mas!

I love it. Love it. The decor, location and consignment pieces are all terribly cool. I could just sit there for hours, soaking it all in. I have to restrain myself from buying something every time I work- it's a tough task, my friends.

If you live in the Charlotte area, definitely head in to Summerbird sometime. You'll end up loving it as much as I do. I can pretty much bet on that. Plus- there's a Starbucks right down the road, so it's pretty much a win win situation.

Not a Charlottean? You can follow me on IG to get little glimpses of the place whenever I'm working.